Cherished!
October 3, 2021
Mark 10:2-16
Some Pharisees came, and to test him they asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” He answered them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” But Jesus said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you. But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Then in the house the disciples asked him again about this matter. He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
People were bringing little children to him in order that he might touch them; and the disciples spoke sternly to them. But when Jesus saw this, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs. Truly I tell you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And he took them up in his arms, laid his hands on them, and blessed them.
In today’s gospel lesson, the Pharisees approach Jesus with a question about divorce. To understand what is going on here, we need to realize that the ancient, patriarchal culture Jesus lived in thousands of years ago was very different, than our own. In addition, the issue centering on the grounds for divorce, was a controversial topic among Pharisaic sages in Jesus’ day. so, the Pharisees were setting a theological trap for Jesus when they ask him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Jesus replies, “What did Moses command you?” The Pharisees, respond: “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her.” Notice the use of words. Jesus uses command and the Pharisees use the word allowed. Now, there is a difference between commanding someone to do something and allowing someone to do something. Wouldn’t you agree? One is an imperative the other a choice. The Pharisees know very well that it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. We get the sense that before they even meet up with Jesus, that his position on this matter conflicts with the common opinion of the day and with Deut. 24:1-4, which says, If a man enters into marriage with a woman, but she doesn’t please him because he finds something objectionable about her, he may write her a certificate of divorce and send her away from his house. Scripture goes on to say, If she goes off to become another man’s wife and her second husband does the same as her first husband,—he isn’t pleased and hands her a certificate of divorce— her first husband cannot remarry her.
They are trying to trick Jesus in order to expose his lack of tradition. Jesus objects to their idea that a husband can divorce his wife for anything he finds objectionable about her. And, to just cast her out on the street without his concern for her well-being.
So the question is: What does Moses command about divorce? He doesn’t! He doesn’t give any “command” about divorce. The only passage in the Torah that deals with divorce says that Moses allows, not commands, a man to write a certificate of divorce, if he chooses, and send her away. The possibility of divorce is taken for granted. What Moses does say is, “You shall not commit adultery.” So, the issue is with a man who divorces his wife and wants to remarry her after she has been married to some other man who divorces her. It is a matter of adultery.
Over the centuries, some Christians have deemed divorce unlawful period! Instead, they give the couple an annulment, which claims that a true marriage never existed. But over the last century, many churches, have come to accept divorce. Which brings us to marriage.
When two people enter into a marriage they make vows to each other. And, they promise to adhere to those vows. In creation, God intended for the male and female he created to bond to each other. In so doing they become one. So, a bond is formed by the two parties. But it is more than that. When two people wed the bond that is formed extends beyond them. Two (and in some cases more) very different families are bound together when two people marry. In a perfect world, the bride and groom enter into a committed relationship where they cherish one another and promise to love one another, to comfort one another, and stay committed throughout life’s changes and challenges. But, as you all know, we do not live in a perfect world. Sometimes a marriage dies and the bonds between the two people break. It affects not only the couple, but their extended families. This can happen for many different reasons which I won’t go into, because there are a multitude of circumstances that put a strain on the bond of marriage. A marriage takes two to make it work, to provide safety, love, and the ability to recognize each other’s humanness and provide grace for their mate. In an ideal world both partners feel cherished.
So, what does it mean to be or feel cherished? I have found that when all else fails, there’s the dog! Pets provide a feeling of being cherished for their owners. When I was a child I had a pet cat who provided a sense of comfort and affection, when I was unable to get it from my parents, siblings, or friends. Once I was an adult, our pet dogs provided the warmth, devotion, and unconditional love that I longed for. Dogs are forgiving, loyal, and affectionate. And there is nothing like the welcome they provide when you come home from a long day of work. Riley’s tail wags her whole body and she just howls and dances with joy when Jeff or I walk through the door. She is especially happy and content when we are all watching TV together at home. And there was nothing better than when my son, Theo, would run up to me and say, “Mommy, I love you!” Our children cherish us in ways we don’t realize. They may not always show it. They may sometimes say I hate you Mommy when they are angry or don’t get their way. But they love their parents and they want them to stay together.
In the ancient world children were not cherished. They were the lowest of low. But Jesus cherished them. In our lesson, people brought little children to Jesus in order that he might touch them. The disciples took offense and spoke sternly to them. As Jesus watched, he became indignant and reprimanded his disciples saying, “Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; the kingdom of God belongs to them.” He goes on to say, “Whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.” And then, cherishing the little children, he takes them up into his arms, lays his hands on them, and blesses them. Jesus cherished the little children.
So what do we cherish? We cherish memories, relationships, friendships, our homes, things people give us, and things that are very special to us. Furthermore, we take responsibility for the things we cherish. In my family, the children cherished the marriage bond my parents formed and here's how: My parents had been arguing about money for many years. My father tended to be a spendthrift and was very traditional in his thinking about family roles. He didn’t think my mother should work. My mother, on the other hand was very thrifty and anxious about never having enough money. So, once the children were in high school, she decided to get a job. First she helped my Dad, who owned a printing company in New York City as his secretary and then she found a job working for the supervisor of the town of Huntington so she could be closer to home. Dad was furious! And the more she loved her job, the angrier he got. Then she decided to finished her bachelor’s degree in business. So, she applied to Long Island University, finished her degree in Business, and graduated Magna Cum Laude.
A couple of months after Jeff and I were married, my mother bought a house and left my father. It profoundly affected my brothers and me. It made a very sad and difficult first year of marriage for Jeff and me. Even grown children don’t want to see their parents split up after so many years of marriage. They grieve the loss. But, my Mom, decided, now that all her children were out of the house, she needed some independence, to make it on her own, and to earn and manager her own money. But, although the bonds of their marriage were very strained and the impact not only affected our nuclear family; it also affected my parents siblings, my grandparents, my cousins in Ohio and all of my parents’ friends.
Yet there was still hope. We knew they still loved each other. They just couldn’t stand to live with each other—at least for the time being. My brothers and I were so unhappy and angry because we cherished the parental relationship. We did not want to see it broken. We gave them such a hard time about it that finally, five years later, both my parents cherished their children enough to reconcile and come back together. My Mom moved back home with Dad and rented her house to my brother, John’s family. Dad and Mom remained married and together until Dad died. They were married for 66 years.
Had her husband been a Pharisee in Jesus’ time, my mother would never have been able to fulfill her dreams nor would she have remained married. Jesus clearly cherished marriage. He didn’t want to see men breaking up their marriages just because they didn’t like what their wife was wearing, cooking, or doing something he didn’t like. Furthermore, Jesus doesn’t want people to remain in abusive relationships that are unsafe or hurtful. When it comes down to it, sometimes marriages break, bonds are broken, and can never be repaired. But sometimes they can.
Yet we all long to be cherished. God empowers us to cherish ourselves, while cherishing others. The good news here is that no matter what happens in life twists and turns, God cherishes each one of us, so that we can cherish ourselves. In Christ each one of you is cherished.
In Jesus name,
Amen.